It's been interesting

It's been interesting lately! I am enjoying the snowfall, finally the most significant I have seen in more than a year. We are supposed to get another 2 waves of it before the weekend. It's supposed to come through tomorrow on Thursday from California. I am glad to get some snow finally.

I put up my Christmas tree too. It's about 5 feet tall and I only put a few little ornaments on there. It has lots of small white lights however. The light at Christmas is so important to me, perhaps even more so this year than in previous years. I have also been trying to get into the Christmas Spirit by reading Schliermacher's dialogue on Christmas Eve. It's a wonderful creative work of theology. I have found I do not appreciate his attitude/assumptions about women however. One of the characters, a woman in the room, speaks up about what she thinks and another character chides her about what the Bible says about women (presumably about their authority to speak about religious matters). I also found him to be a little narrow-minded in saying that since women do not "possess the fruits of science within themselves," then they are more fervent and "unreservedly attached to the Church." I would say that it's possible that if women had been permitted to "possess the fruits of science," that is, to be permitted to study the sciences (remember this was written just around the Age of Enlightenment and while the Scientific Method was being developed, they weren't quite enlightened enough for women to be allowed to participate, except in rare situations), women just may have been able to find a way to possess both the fruits of their scientific studies, and be full participants in the life and theological development of the Church. Women have traditionally been socialized in this country as "peacemakers" and relational people who find ways to reconciliation among people, even if it means to be creatively searching for new ways to understand things. How could things have turned out differently if we had permitted women to have equal say in the philosophical development of scientific inquiry and theological inquiry? Would there have ever been a Scopes Trial? Could we have helped the world evolve emotionally a little faster and more peacefully? Would we have had so many wars in the name of YHWH, Allah, or any other holy name?

Schliermacher had a long-term infatuation with a woman in his younger days, as a student. I don't think he ever got over it. I find this fascinating about him because it reflected how emotionally attached he had become, perhaps as someone who was an utter romantic, born out of the age of Romance, grew up somewhat isolated from his own mother by being sent away to school, grew attached to the Pietistic religious movements of his region. I have split feelings about him because he both embraced the emotional aspects of religion and I believe that his attachments to women had much influence on this theology about religion as "feeling" and growth into greater awareness of Christ. However, he seems limited in seeing the full range of power in such "feeling." He became fiercely nationalistic later in life, which I believe was a sign that he was taking "feelings" in a direction that women would not have intended. This is not to say that women do not also have the propensity to let their feelings go out of control or to allow them to close their hearts to rational thought. We are all guilty of that.

I would argue, however, that the nationalism of Schliermacher takes religion as "feeling" in a direction for which our "feelings" about faith were not intended. I would also say that nationalism is not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself either, for I do adhere to the common principles of conscience and participation in one's own nation's interests. But what Schliermacher writes is a tiny bit over the edge. If you read his sermon on Nation, Church and State, preached 28 March 1813, you can see retrospectively how his theology grossly influence the rise of German nationalism over the succeeding decades. I think that whenever we allow our feelings to break up rather than seek reconciliation between people and nations, then perhaps we should review those feelings and reconsider whether they are adequately representing the consciousness of Christ that we first accepted. Schliermacher would say that when we become Christians, we accept an inner call to a journey that will continue for the rest of our lives, as we grow and grow into greater awareness of Christ in ourselves, or "God-Consciousness." If we forsake that awareness and simply take it for granted, we might lose our necessary link between our "religion as feeling" and our journey into greater "God-Consciousness." In other words, you can't have one without the other because they keep each other in check. This is why Schliermacher is such a contributor to modern theology, particularly Reformed theology. I see these two theological attributes as inseparable, yet at times linked like two train rails that run parallel.

Schliermacher says some wonderful things in his Christmas Eve dialogue however. Here they are:
On Christmas festival: "It is the distinctive nature of this festival that through it we should become conscious of an innermost ground out of which a new, untrammeled life emerges, and of its inexhaustible power, that in its very first germ we should already discern its finest maturity, even its highest perfection. However unconsciously it may reside in many people, our feeling of marvel can achieve resolution only in this concentrated vision of a new world, and in no other way. This vision may grip anyone, and he who brought it into being may thus be represented in a thousand images and in the most varied ways - as the rising, e'er returning sun, as the springtime of the spirit, asking of a better realm, as the most faithful emissary of the gods, as the prince of peace." (Schliermacher: Pioneer of Modern Theology, Fortress Press, 1991, p 198)

On being and becoming as an individual in a community: "In fact the union of being and becoming is found in humanity not incidentally but eternally; and this is because that union exists and comes into being as man in himself does...[which includes doing so in community as well]...which arises within a common life and activity with other men; for it is in comunity that that knowledge which is proper to our planet not only exists but develops. Only when a person sees humanity as a living community of individuals, cultivates humanity as a community, bears its spirit and consciousness in his life, and within that community both loses his isolated existence and finds it again in a new way - only then does that person have the higher life and peace of God within himself." (ibid, p 201)

Those are some great quotes to chew on. I'm almost tired of writing about Schliermacher now, but I think these are things to sleep on. See? He's an amazing and eloquent writer. He was visionary for his time, being around the turn of the 18th-19th century. He probably had an influence on Paul Tillich, who didn't come around the period of WWII. It would be very interesting to compare the theology of Schliermacher and theology of Tillich with respect to the theology of world religions. I have a book I would like to read by Tillich, called Christianity and the Encounter of World Religions.

Well, it's time to go. I have jobs to apply for, a sermon to write on 1 Corinthians 9:16-23 and some other miscellaneous paperwork. Yes, I am still looking for work and am thinking of how to fund my "life" until I do find work. I am asking myself whether to use more of my retirement funds, or even to withdraw funds from an annuity that I have never tapped before. I am wondering if this is what God wants me to do or not. I also would like to ask what my Grandpa would do, since much of this money was originally his and I just added to it some. Grandpa was a devout Catholic and is now in heaven with a whole different perspective on things. Through his own tenaciousness and frugality, he died a rich man and none of us were aware of it. I am not even sure if he was fully aware of the money he left. I have used some of this money as a means to graduate school. I am wondering now, as our country appears on the edge of some kind of mild depression, how this money should be used. I believe that I should be practical as much as possible in order to honor Grandpa's own pragmatism. He grew up through the Great Depression and he was one of the many honest, hard-working, men and women who learned the values of life the hard way. There is much wisdom in his saving up for so many years. And if I hear that wisdom, I understand that perhaps this is the right time to try and manage my finances so that I keep as much of them as possible invested in the future, as I also try to survive the present. I suppose if anyone reads this they are going to tell me to "pray on it." That's what I will do then.

Must go and take care of business. Bye for now.
Amy

Getting a clue

I wonder if I am finally getting a clue about my current state of unemployment. I am wondering what the whole point is in this exercise in endless job applications, since mid-August? Recently I told a friend at church that it's been hard and she said to me, "How long have you been unemployed?" I said, "About 3.5 months." And she said, "Oh, that's not too long." I felt a little shut down, because I have no idea whether she's considered that I haven't been in the real job market for about 5 years either, nor do I seem to qualify for much in the way of unemployment because I've only lived in this state for about 1 year. Still having trouble getting the NM Unemployment Registration form online to work so I can get some idea of what I qualify for!

So Bill Richardson will be our Commerce Secretary? That's interesting. I wonder who will take on his job? He really amazes me at the kind of crap he's had to deal with in this state. This is the most depressed state, out of all the states I've lived in. I am quite excited to see Obama's choices for cabinet secretaries. I am thrilled about his attitude and approach. I know that some have expressed concern over whether Richardson should have been Secretary of State, but I also think that Richardson might have more flexibility and versatility than Hillary and that Obama wanted both of them at that level of government, assisting him closely. I'm glad they've both been included.

As Obama said in his live announcement today about the Commerce Secretary position: "It's a good job." I think it's going to put Hispanic-Americans in the limelight every day because of the importance of our commerce right now, both our international and domestic commerce.

I have been busy scraping up funds that are lying around in various places (cyberly speaking), so I can keep on paying the bills. The biggest windfall recently was noticing that I had overpaid my cable bill for months so that they actually owe me a little over 700 dollars! So we have a reimbursement plan in motion. I am also expecting a check for 210 dollars because I overpaid for my ordination exams about a year ago, having registered for exams that I wasn't able to take. I'm impressed with my ability to research my financial records to be able to provide them with the proper proof. I guess I'm more organized than it seems.

I have been getting too much TV intake recently. I suppose it may be cheesy for some people, but I am actually getting really int 7th Heaven. I never thought I would be interested in that show but I certainly have been hooked now. The characters make me laugh and sometimes cry a little. I guess that's proof of a good drama or my own taste in TV.

I'm trying to think of new more productive ways to spend all of this free time being unemployed, besides taking online surveys and applying for jobs constantly. I have many ideas, but am not always motivated. I would like to do more puzzles, practice my German reading, do some extra Greek translation, prepare for my sermon in February for my exit interview with the Presbytery, watch more movies, play with my cats more... I think the first thing to do would be to clean up my apartment. I started yesterday when I had to go through a lot of old files - I have so many files from classes, billing, and other junk and I haven't figured out the best way to store them. I have similar, growing problem to the right of me, when I sit on my couch, with a number of knitting projects, all within arm's reach, with my choice of project to jump into. Let's see...I am making:

1 felted slippers for my boyfriend,
2 a hooded sweater with chunky yarn which is almost done,
3 mittens with boucle from a Lion Brand pattern (that are large enough for Frankenstein because I'm not following the pattern faithfully),
4 reusable shopping bag that expands when you stuff it (my second one in a month),
5 a "potato-chip" scarf,
6 a seed-stitch scarf that I might unravel and make into something else,
7 1 of 2 socks that I have been working on for about 8 months.

I that's all I have going on right now. I guess I have another sweater that has been waiting for me to find just the right color to go with it as edging around the sleeves and collar.

We've been getting a little bit of snow in the mountains lately which have made them spectacular to see. I haven't done it lately, but I used to stand in my parking lot and take a look at Sandia Crest and be filled with joy that I am lucky enough to live somewhere this beautiful and interesting. I shouldn't forget that feeling because it fuels my energy and reminds me of one of the reasons I am currently unemployed: because I have chosen to attempt to put down roots.

I have, fortunately, located a few possibilities to help me in the short term. What I need to do however, is take care of a little bit of personal business and I am going to leap right into those job possibilities. They are customer service jobs, answering telephones. Such jobs seem to have an endless need to hire because they have quite a turnover rate. So I have to make some quick decisions whether I really want to commit to their process because it is a "process." I have already looked at one and they wanted to hire me but they wouldn't be able to begin training me until January 12th! Hence the need to be on the ball and decided immediately whether to "go for it."

What else to report? Thanksgiving was wonderful. It snowed that night while we were celebrating at Mike and Lisa's. I had too much wine but it was just a great time. Before I had too much wine, I was honored to be asked to say a blessing and I made Jim cry. That always feels good, so long as the tears are good ones.

Well, it is time to go. I have to write up some "online interview" answers in my application to some jobs as a teacher in an online college. Wish me luck!
Love,
Amy

found my all time favorite Tom and Jerry!

http://www.google.com/ig/adde?moduleurl=youtube_igoogle/v2/youtube.xml&source=imag

cute little drawstring bag knitting pattern

Drawstring bag pattern

I designed this bag based on several different patterns, so that my boyfriend wouldn’t burn his toes on the hot water bottle in his bed. It measures 3” d x 6” w x 9.5” high. I use a “right twist” from the pattern, “Marsupial Tote” found in Stitch ‘n’ Bitch to mark the corners of it to give this bag its rectangular shape. This is a great way to use up left over yarn. It is knit from the bottom up, starting with a rectangular shape in Brown Sheep Bulky Limeade. The body is in Brown Sheep Bulky Kiwi. The “top” section is in a coordinating scrap yarn that I found which is from either Berrocco or Katia Mexico. You can figure it out from there though.

Used:
Brown Sheep company Bulky weight (85%Wool/15%Mohair) 1 skein (I used parts of two different skeins for contrast because that’s what I had left over, and some scraps for accents at the top)
16 inch circular needles US size 10 (6mm)
Large-eyed tapestry needle
Stitch markers (4, for each corner)

Base of bag
Cast on 11 stitches and K approximately 22 rows of garter stitch, or until flat piece measures 6.5 inches. Place a stitch marker to note the beginning of your round.
PU and K 22 stitches along nearest long edge to next corner. Place a stitch marker.
PU and K 11 stitches along short edge to next corner. Place a stitch marker.
PU and K22 stitches along second long edge. You should be back at the beginning of the round.

Body of Bag
You will begin to knit in the round now, proceeding always by knitting into the left needles. The pouch will grow from the bottom. Make sure if you set it down that you don’t accidentally knit it upside down. It will feel tight for the first few rows, but will loosen up after you knit about 1 inch up from the corners. You will do an RT just after and just before each stitch marker. An RT is:
K second stitch and don’t slip off needle but pull loop through. K first stitch and then slip both off left needle. The stitches will have reversed position. This stitch will occupy the two stitches just before and the two stitches just after every stitch marker.

Round 1: RT stitches 2 and 1, K to 2nd to last stitch at end of section, RT, slip stitch marker to right needle. Repeat 3 more times to end of round.
Repeat all of round 1 until you have a bag that measures about 8 inches high. The corners should be well-defined because of the RT stitches.

Top of Bag
At beginning of round, discontinue the RT stitch.
K 22, slip stitch marker, K11, slip stitch marker, K22, slip stitch marker, K11. Repeat another 10 times, or about 1-1/2 inches.

11th row is the Yarn Over (YO) row for the drawstring. A YO is as follows:

Move the yarn that is hanging down the back, up to the front, in between the needles, like you’re about to purl. Put right needle into stitch on left as if to knit, pull yarn in front up to right and around right needle like a knit stitch. Pull through left stitch as if a regular knit stitch. You will end up with an extra loop on your right needle as you pull your knit stitch through. Knit across it normally at the next round and you will create a small hole in fabric.

K8, K2tog, YO, YO, K2tog, K8 on the long sides
K2, K2tog, YO, YO, K2tog, K3 on the short sides

12th row: K all stitches normally across the YO stitches. They will look like a pair of small holes on each side of the bag. Continue to knit in the round so that you have about 1 inch beyond the holes. Bind off top of bag, removing stitch markers as you go.

Drawstring
Cast on 3 stitches onto same needles. Make I-Cord that is long enough that it can be fed through holes, alternating around bag, and come back out and tied on one side. It should be exactly the right thickness to pull through the holes.
Using tapestry needle, weave the ends into your bag so they are invisible.

Cute and fast! If you try it, let me know how it goes so I can correct it. I'm thinking of teaching it in my December or January classes at the Hobby Lobby.

Lundi!!!

I used to have a French teacher named Mr. Barney. My name was Cecile in that class because he allowed us to choose a French name for the school year. I loved the class because it was so empowering that I could speak a different language. Mr. Barney always started each class by reciting the names of the days and having us "repetez s'il vous plait..." He would get an impish grin on his face when he said, "Lundi!" and as he went all the way up to the end his voice would get less and less happy, because it meant that soon we would have the weekend, where there would be no French class. But we'd come back around to "Lundi" again and he was all happy again, because it was the start of a whole week of French class. What a great teacher he was. He had little relevant fashion sense and had an elfin face, but his enthusiasm about teaching us French will last me a lifetime - of looking forward to every Lundi.

I am lucky that I am a positive person overall. I maintain a conservative affect about my joy in general, but my attitude remains positive, hopeful. I still am unemployed. A major employer where I have been pooling many of my resumes has just announced that they are holding off on much of the hiring they usually do. I am disappointed in that, but I remain hopeful. I pray for change. I pray for help. Something will happen. Like many persons with Masters' Degrees, I feel torn between finding a job that is clearly my vocation, like church ministry or chaplaincy, and just finding any job that will at least pay the bills.

Sometimes I don't know which way to turn because I know I should be a chaplain. I have that hope and faith. But I also have no idea just how I am going to pay for my rent on December 1st. I have already taken much money out of retirement in order to live, but I can't keep doing that. Something has to change and I don't know how much I have to change in myself in order to fit into the world around me, and find a way to make money. I don't know what to do unless I hear something from the hospice organization, which I thought would be soon. It could be that I am expecting something too soon, or that they are now having trouble figuring out what to do in order to hire me. I hope and pray that this pans out. Please keep me in my prayers. It sounded like I was a shoe-in according to the way the interview went. I believe I have done everything that I should do. I was given a very positive reaction by the people in my interview. So what's the hold up? It could be that they want me full time but are presently afraid they have to offer me just part time. It could also be that they have had to readjust to other possible issues that have come up since my interview on Wednesday last week. It could also be that the president doesn't know that the interviewer said I would hear from them on Friday, just as the reverse happened in setting up the interview and I heard from them a day later than expected. Maybe they have decided to use this week as a "buffer" week to just make sure they say good bye to the former chaplain and her presence, which is also possible. They may need a little time to prepare information or a final salary offer, or they found someone they liked a lot more.

There are simply too many possible reasons for why I haven't heard from the hospice folks yet. It's a small company and the staff there tend to be "jack of all trades." I think that they are having some internal financial issues, although many of these people do, and I hope and pray that ultimately their patients, families and staff do not suffer because of it.

Sometimes, you just have to say, "Lundi!" and hope for the best!

The Day After

Hi. It's the day after the election. I am so glad I watched Obama's sudden and meteoric rise from just 103 votes to about 200-something, and then jump up further into the 300's. I was able to get to sleep at a reasonable hour this time. Thank God that the people spoke and that I actually agreed with many of them! Yesterday was also my dad's birthday so I wished him a happy birthday and that he would get what he voted for. Apparently he did.

My dad is interesting to me. We didn't get along very well for a long time. I think I had the wrong idea about him and he had the wrong idea about me. I have always had much respect for him, but lately he surprises me with his switch from a Republican to a Democratic stance. He even did canvassing in the middle of snowstorms in Ohio and Virginia. I suppose he contributed to turning over two "Republican-dominated" states into ones who would vote for Obama this time around. I'm relieved that New Mexico did too. Somehow I feel more in tune with my dad than I have in a long time. When I told him I always assumed he was Republican, he told me that he was really Independent. Just like me! Thank God for the process of maturation, and for honesty with those we love.

I had a great job interview today for a position as a hospice chaplain. It went really well, and then they told me that they hope to hire me full-time but right now it was undecided because they are so deep in debt. Apparently they and other hospices are having to give back all this money to Medicare because of budget changes at the federal level. I don't know much about this situation, but it sounds pretty crappy to me. I wonder about what exactly this business is all about, because I don't know how well the facts were explained to me, or if I understand it. I would like to know more about it. They have been waiting for 3 months before they can get a site visit in order to meet Medicare requirements for their home health side too. What a crummy situation, because they are certainly an important form of delivering care to people. I will find out on Friday sometime, most likely, about more of this, and what they are able to offer. I sounds to me like they have a full caseload and need to somehow have a 1/2-salary job as a chaplain. Maybe because they can pay me less for less experience than some chaplains, they can still pay me enough to survive. Chaplains tend to demand much more salary, especially once board certified and ordained, as I hope to be in the next year.

Well, I don't know what else to say. However, I hope that you have a great day. If anyone out there knows anything about this hospice-related issue I'm talking about, please let me know. I need to learn more.
Peace be with you.
Amy

Election Day.

I can't believe it's Election night. If you've ever read previous blogs you'd be able to guess who I voted for. I am happy so far by the news coming in. What's most important tonight is that I used my conscience. I used prayer. I voted early on October 31st. That was fun. The people working the polls were dressed in costumes. One woman was dressed as a nun, but I don't know if she was a real nun or if it was a costume, just because I have a number of nun friends (real nuns, real friends:).

We are in the midst of a historical event of huge proportions that no one can ignore. The rest of the world is interested in seeing how this nation votes. Now, since I have at least done my part, I can only hope that no matter what happens on this election night, God will help us to heal the wounds in this world. I hope and pray that this nation and the poorest of the poor may find a form of peace and prosperity that will last. We need to find a way to end this war and move our investments back into peaceful activity that supports the needs of our own citizens. The measure of a nation is equal to how it cares for the most vulnerable of its society. This is one of the reasons, but certainly not the only one, that other nations have trouble respecting us. There are other reasons, that's for sure.

What else is new? I have a job interview with a hospice organization for a chaplain position. I am so stoked. I need the experience and they seem like very nice people. I believe they already have 1 chaplain and are looking for 2 more - one full time and one part time. The odds are better than usual! I hope that I get the job. Another reason for me to be prayerful these days. Tomorrow I will make sure that the interview goes well. I have many questions to ask about how they operate, etc. Once I can get some face time with someone, then I usually can make a really good impression.

Well, I need to go, because I need to finish making calzones. Did you know that you can buy frozen bread dough in the grocery store and make it into various cool foods? We're having ricotta, pepperoni, pineapple, mozzarella calzones tonight, with some fresh basil and onion. Sounds good. I'm hungry. Bye for now.

Here's the results of an IQ test I took online. I don't know how accurate it is but it sure makes me feel pretty good. Peace be with you all. Amy