This is the second time I have attempted to seriously have a Sabbath. And I have already broken the rules. I accepted an appointment request with a church member today at 2:00PM. Naughty Me. I have felt bad for this person because she seems to be working constantly. So how is my breaking my own Sabbath a good example for her? It's not.
Yesterday I was exhausted during worship. I had gotten about 5 hours of sleep, because we had a Mariachi Christmas at the high school and I was scheduled to take tickets. It ran longer than I expected, and I wasn't as prepared as I had hoped for Sunday morning, so I was up very late at night to get it all done. Naughty Me. After bell choir practice I hung out in the office for about 20 minutes and then decided to go home. I had some Ramen noodles and a glass of wine then put my feet up and fell asleep from about 5:00PM until about 9:00PM. Then I went to bed. My phone rang 10:00PM, I talked sleepily on the phone to a friend and then went straight back to sleep.
I woke up at 5:30AM, contemplated getting up, but decided to close my eyes and slept off and on till 7:00AM. So, all that sleep must have been needed. I do not know if all that sleeping constitutes a Sabbath, but I guess it kind of can be. I would prefer to be awake to experience it. Rest is only part of the reason we take a Sabbath. The main reason is because we were created in the image of God. We are meant to live into that image but when we do nothing but work work work, then we are dying, somehow. We die slowly of overwork but also die spiritually because we do not stop to acknowledge our maker who tells us to rest. We are breaking the law if we do not stop. And here we worry about whether we are satisfying God or others by not doing enough.
We ministers are not immune to those feelings of inadequacy. In fact, perhaps we struggle with those feelings just as much, or more so, than anyone else. We have umpteen people who depend on us to care for them, and these people all have their individual concerns, each one unique. We worry whether we are lumping them too much together as categories, just for the sake of saving time. We worry whether our sermons are reaching out to them enough, but without losing our own particular identity and integrity. We feel guilty at times when someone wants to meet up with us and it's our day off and we decide it's unhealthy so we say no. Then we think, but it's only one appointment, and it's important to her/him.
I wonder if my colleagues in ministry feel that way or if it's just me? We have to claim for ourselves that time spent in God, because it is as friend of mine calls it, "Life giving," like a fountain of refreshing living water. It's not just God's commandment, it's necessary to life. It's also necessary to my work to care for other lives.
I've got to have better boundaries.
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