this just in

This just in... I am still looking for a job. My plans today are this: to call Hobby Lobby and Einstein Bros about jobs. Even though these things have nothing to do with my career path or area of education, I wouldn't mind being a part-time knitting teacher or a bagel baker. I really wouldn't mind. I love doing both. Please God help me out a little! I need to feed my cats or they will feed on me! Ha ha. That's really gross. Obviously, if you're reading this, I am having a moment of insanity and anxiety mixed together just enough that I can kind of laugh at myself.

Edwin Friedman would say I need to refresh myself, and my sense of adventure. He would say (in his book "A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix) that anxiety is the number one thing that prevents us from achieving all that we can and all that God calls me to be. My anxiety, that is. In times like these, we can't be too anxious because so much else outside of us is creating anxiety for us these days - the stock market falling, the unemployment rates, the lack of credit available to everyone, the anxiety about electing a president who is right for the job, not to mention the jillions of other things that cause us anxiety. I have to remind myself that finding a new job is one of those top things that cause us serious stress - along with losing your job, getting divorced, death of a spouse, and moving into a new (or in my case, rent) home. I think just by naming that anxiety in my life, I can be more powerful and open to what else this world is demanding of me right now.

If you are still reading this blog, try to find the book I mentioned by Edwin Friedman. He was a genius of the pastoral counseling world. He stands on the shoulders of giants in the world of family systesm theory, but Friedman's book speaks to the everyman and everywoman who seeks to get over the pathologies of this age. He was definitely on my mind these past 2 weeks as we all bit our nails watching the markets and questioned what kind of Band-Aid our Congress was going to vote for. I kept praying and hoping that this Band-Aid would work. I questioned is this just something they are trying to create to avoid making the American people angrier than we already are? Is Congress afraid of adventure, are they afraid of our wrath? I get it - the Band-Aid is supposed to prevent further economic disaster. I am not an expert in this subject but I think as we try to figure out how to respond to this situation, we have to identify when we are acting out of pure fear and anxiety.

Okay. I have to disengage from that for a second. I just wish our hearts and motivations are in the right place when we start fiddling with something that is really broken. I remember when I was about 6 years old and my parents left me alone with their old 8-track stereo system. I was so curious I pushed a button. That messed things up. So I pushed another button thinking that would fix it. That messed things up even worse. Then I started doing all kinds of things to it - switching it on and off - until my dad showed up and got angry at me. I was told to not "mess with it," because I was making it worse. Sometimes things have to unravel or reset themselves to a point before we can get to a familiar place and work from there. Sometimes perhaps we Americans should be a little more humbled, brought down a peg, so we can finally see where we really need work done. What would have happened if we had not passed these Band-Aid bills in Congress? Would we have finally found our way back? Will we find our way back now?

Sometimes disasters happen to make way for better things. I cannot say that in every situation, for some people are just dealt a crappy hand in life and someone should give them a break/leg up. But other disasters free us up to seek better ways of life. For instance, I hope that with this awful economic situation we're in we can give better breaks and incentives to small businesses, and particularly to those who are Green businesses in competition with the Corporates. It is in the best interest of this nation, individuals and the planet that we find ways to keep that conduit of fresh, new business flowing.

Regarding other, craftier stuff - I am looking for a cheap computer program or some kind of tip to help me design knitting patterns on graph paper. I am thinking about designing some basic yet cute designs with simply a standard garter stitch pattern. The "design" will actually be a graphic or a word or something in stockinette stitch. Any recommendations out there?

If you are also unemployed and reading this, feel free to comment and read at your leisure. These are things many people are afraid of right now, I realize. Some people have it much worse off than I. I wish all of you God's peace and a little bit of good timing.
Amy-san