Friday, January 27, 2012

Typical Friday, and not

Today was a good day.  Today I finally felt like I was getting more organized for the new year, although I have been back from my vacation since like, January 10 (?).  Why do I feel like I have been lurching into the future at top speed without any control?

Finally today, I did some more long-range planning.  I especially examined some possible Continuing Ed opportunities throughout 2012.  Here are a few that I might attend:


Red, Green or Christmas? Phyllis Tickle speaks in Albuquerque at Covenant Presbyterian Church February 6
Mountain States Wee Kirk Conference; May 22-24 in Albuquerque - some interesting-looking seminars available for small church ministries (laypeople might benefit from this!)
"Preaching, Teaching & Living Justice...in an often unjust Society" with the Rev. Dr. J. Herbert Nelson at Ghost Ranch 7/30-8/5, part of the Kaleidescope Biblical Preaching series
Bold Word 2012 - an affiliation of the Society for Pastoral Excellence and Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary has set up this event with presentations, etc. from some fantastic pastoral leaders, dynamic preachers, who also happen to be special people from my seminary days.  That's 10/9-10/12.


I still haven't figured out the whole thing, but these should be the big education opportunities to plan my life around.  I am kind of excited about the ideas of going on some trips and getting out, meeting folks.  I look forward to "gleaning" whatever I can from these programs.  If you're going to one of these, please drop me a line and we can meet up for coffee or something.

Experimental blogging

The name says it all.

By reading this, you are now viewing the results of experimental blogging.

Right now, the experimental aspect isn't so out of the ordinary.  The only experiment is writing with nothing absolutely at all to say.

I would like to think that I am special because of this, that somehow by not having much at all to say I am unusual in the "blogosphere."  Although, in a way, by my saying even that, I at least have just a little something to say.  Just a little.

So this is the result, in part, of "experimental blogging."  There are no standards in this kind of experiment, no ethical controls, no data restrictions, nor data coll -

No.  Wait.  Maybe there are.  Data is being collected right this second.  And... right now!  And now.  They're watching you read this crap.  "They" are those who we quote as being the experts in just about everything out there.  "They" are watching you right now and taking note that you are reading this drivel that I am currently writing.  Why are you still reading it?!!

Are you wondering why I have bothered to this?  I'm warning you.  This experiment isn't necessarily being conducted by ME on YOU.  I never promised it was.  It's on US!  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
(imagine scary sound like you're falling down the stairs)

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Sabbath? Huh?

I haven't posted anything since the entry called "Sabbath 2."  Is that because I haven't had one since?  I forget when I wrote that post, but once Advent was in full-gear, I believe I did get something of a Sabbath, oh about every 1.25 weeks or so.  Not too bad for a new pastor during a crunch time of year.  I was even getting enough exercise at the time.  It's just finding time for that "day of rest" required a whole different approach to figuring out what a "day" is.

Sometimes I guess you have to resign yourself to finding portions that add up to a day.  It takes a little more attention during a time when you are experiencing an overload of other tasks.  But I think the "intention" is as important as the "attention" you give to ensuring you have a Sabbath.
The "dream Sabbath" to me begins as:

  • I luxuriate in restfulness between 5:30 and 7:30/8:00AM, 
  • listening to the radio and 
  • not thinking about anything I have to do that day, 
  • then making coffee, 
  • sitting down in the easy chair, 
  • the cat jumps on my lap, 
  • I flip through a book, 
  • read the Bible,
  • eat some cereal, 
  • watch some CNN, 
  • check e-mail, 
  • surf the net,
  • get some exercise, play some silly games on Wii, 
  • cook something free-form, like soup or stew or a tossed pasta thing, 

and after that who knows?  That's a good start of the day but I always lose track of time on days like that.  I think that's a wonderful aspect of Sabbath for me is I can lose track of time.

If you cannot have that sort of Sabbath day, it's okay.  It's worth taking a moment to work it into your days.  I plan longer breaks in between stints of work.  I try to plan my work in 4 hour time chunks.  It works best for people who work out of their home.  I set my mind on a set of "tasks" that will work in that amount of time and plan to do it all in 4 hours.

Sabbath?  I need to be creative sometimes, especially during busy high church seasons, but a Sabbath is possible.  I believe in it!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Sabbath notes 2

This is the second time I have attempted to seriously have a Sabbath.  And I have already broken the rules.  I accepted an appointment request with a church member today at 2:00PM.  Naughty Me.  I have felt bad for this person because she seems to be working constantly.  So how is my breaking my own Sabbath a good example for her?  It's not.

Yesterday I was exhausted during worship.  I had gotten about 5 hours of sleep, because we had a Mariachi Christmas at the high school and I was scheduled to take tickets.  It ran longer than I expected, and I wasn't as prepared as I had hoped for Sunday morning, so I was up very late at night to get it all done.  Naughty Me.  After bell choir practice I hung out in the office for about 20 minutes and then decided to go home.  I had some Ramen noodles and a glass of wine then put my feet up and fell asleep from about 5:00PM until about 9:00PM.  Then I went to bed.  My phone rang 10:00PM, I talked sleepily on the phone to a friend and then went straight back to sleep.

I woke up at 5:30AM, contemplated getting up, but decided to close my eyes and slept off and on till 7:00AM.    So, all that sleep must have been needed.  I do not know if all that sleeping constitutes a Sabbath, but I guess it kind of can be.  I would prefer to be awake to experience it.  Rest is only part of the reason we take a Sabbath.  The main reason is because we were created in the image of God.  We are meant to live into that image but when we do nothing but work work work, then we are dying, somehow.  We die slowly of overwork but also die spiritually because we do not stop to acknowledge our maker who tells us to rest.  We are breaking the law if we do not stop.  And here we worry about whether we are satisfying God or others by not doing enough.

We ministers are not immune to those feelings of inadequacy.  In fact, perhaps we struggle with those feelings just as much, or more so, than anyone else.  We have umpteen people who depend on us to care for them, and these people all have their individual concerns, each one unique.  We worry whether we are lumping them too much together as categories, just for the sake of saving time.  We worry whether our sermons are reaching out to them enough, but without losing our own particular identity and integrity.  We feel guilty at times when someone wants to meet up with us and it's our day off and we decide it's unhealthy so we say no.   Then we think, but it's only one appointment, and it's important to her/him.

I wonder if my colleagues in ministry feel that way or if it's just me?  We have to claim for ourselves that time spent in God, because it is as friend of mine calls it, "Life giving," like a fountain of refreshing living water.  It's not just God's commandment, it's necessary to life.  It's also necessary to my work to care for other lives.

I've got to have better boundaries.

Light

the light is coming,
it's coming into the world.
the light is the WORD
and will brighten and enliven in every way needed
the light is a BODY
incarnation
of Divine life
Truth
Justice
Peace
Joy
Love
            coming to bring sight
            coming to bring health
what
                   is it?

         something
                            wholly
                                              other.
         something more powerful
         someone who is love
         who will love us back to life.

we ask, we interrogate
         wishful thinking leading questions:
         How can this be?
         How could it possibly be?
     
                       No Way.

         Sometimes we can be such Pharisees.
             
                       Show Me.
                       I dare you to show yourself.

This light is not proved by truth.
This light IS Truth.
This light doesn't fit reality.
This light IS Reality.
This light Loves.
Therefore We Are.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Godzilla versus the Butter Knife (a sermon preparation meditation)

In April 2007, I was a pastor intern at First Presbyterian Church in Giddings, Texas.  Two weeks after the "Virginia Tech Massacre" - a combination of words I still struggle with to this day - I was scheduled to give my fourth sermon of my internship and the lectionary texts for that day included Revelation 7.  Chris, my supervisor, mentor, and pastor of the church, worried that I was going to lose the congregation in attempting to preach from Revelation.  After all, we post-modernists have trouble with ancient prophetic books like Revelation because it they sound wacky, weird and frightening.  But it seemed like the right thing to do at the time, as our country for a while became a "Hokie Nation," reeling with anguish, terror and grief on behalf of the 32 dead and those left behind.

During their memorial, faculty member and poet Nikki Giovanni used the power of words to express what I think was school spirit, identity, unity and thus, hope for the bereft students, staff and Blacksburg residents.  Her rousing words had people on their feet, chanting, "Let's Go Hokies!" I wish I could have been there, to experience the power of all of those people together.  They didn't want to let the horror control them.  They were, in effect, refusing it and were making the choice to never give up.

Her address also inspired me to take that reading from Revelation 7 as the same kind of thing.  It was a stamp of identity for those early Christians to remember they were connected with the powerful, divine and invisible, so they could continue to live in hope.

After the deaths of two people on the VT campus yesterday, my fellow Hokies and I are remembering that awful day all over again.  And we ask the same questions again: "Why, how?"  Fellow Hokie fan and friend Wes Jamison wrote yesterday that it feels wrong that news reports have to say "today's shooting" on campus. It feels just wrong.  I hate it.  The first time around shouldn't have happened.  I feel strange telling myself that "at least only 2 died this time and not 32."  That feels wrong.  No one should have died.  No one should have felt so isolated or angry enough to want to kill.  No one should have ever been put in harm's way because of a single angry or imbalanced person.

Campus violence is not a new thing.  The VT Massacre certainly broke a record in numbers of deaths on U.S. college campuses.  But do you remember Kent State?  What about the shootings from the U.T. tower in Austin, TX?  I wasn't alive yet, but I heard the horror that people felt who saw it on the news.  I am told by a seminary professor that there is a bullet hole or two in the side of the administration building at Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary, which is within walking distance of the U.T. Tower.  We are surrounded by reminders of evil and touched personally by evil.  We cannot shake it off completely, as much as we are called to try. I sound like a pessimist, but I'm not.  I am a Calvinist.

And it is Advent.  This is one more reminder that no matter what season of joy or penitence we find ourselves in, we cannot seem to shed the fact that evil strikes indiscriminately.  Evil happens as we are preparing the way of the Lord into our lives and into this broken and fearful world.  But that's just it.  God knows that we cannot fight the darkness without Her on our side.  The darkness is so powerful it breaks our hearts and will continue to do so as we try to stand up claiming hope and love and peace on the world's behalf.  We do these things because we believe that God chose to be born a defenseless little baby - to an unwed teenaged mother - into a broken world that was murdering firstborn Jewish babies.


Advent may feel like the most schizophrenic time of the Christian year, because we proclaim the utter joy and hope that comes from our faith in Jesus Christ our Savior, who can do the impossible and save the world from sin.  It's good news to shout about and get happy about, although the holiday season can be so depressing to us personally - more accidents on the roads, increased violence and all.  So we believers look like fools talking about light and joy and hope. It's as if we are fighting Godzilla with a butter knife. We know we are able to do only so much but evil is much bigger than we are, even if we are unified to fight the battle.  Even if every person in our congregation links arms and marches in the streets.  But not doing it, not rallying together represents to me a lack of faith, all the same.  That act of resistance against evil and acceptance of hope is our act of faith, our little itty bitty butter knife.

So it feels sometimes in Tucumcari, New Mexico. Perhaps we feel disassociated from the evils happening on large college campuses because they are far away.  But we have our own Godzillas.  We have some real problems with malnourished children, poverty, dissatisfaction with our government, a troubled economy, fear of our population shrinkage, domestic violence, poor selection of jobs (unless you work in education or the service industry or run your own small business), not to mention the general depression I get from people here who are watching unused buildings going into ruin.  There are citizens here trying to fight the beast with butter knives, and they must feel at times inadequate.  In the backs of our minds we fear that what we are doing might not save this town from dying.  Is there a magic bullet?  Can we find a cure?  Maybe we can make a difference, but evil rears its ugly head in new forms all the time.

Virginia Tech's two deaths yesterday is yet one more snapshot of how evil will not leave us alone.  Nikki Giovanni's address back in 2007 confirmed for us that more is to come.  This Advent season we are fighting Godzilla with a butter knife and that's the way it is.  But we do it in hope and faith and love because God promises to fight and win.  Giovanni's bold statements that reclaim the identity of Virginia Tech, back from the dark side and over to the good, is a powerful reminder that we can do the same.

Advent continues to be a miraculous time of waiting for God to break into our fearful and hurting world.  Instead of Revelation, the lectionary readings for this Sunday include John the Baptist, a seemingly wild and mysterious man standing up to the Pharisees and heralding the Messiah.  He came to testify about the light.  John 1:7-8 says it twice.  This seems very important, to testify about the light, not just once, but again and again. We fight evil, not because we can beat it, but with each attempt, with our little butter knives, we are acting on faith.  And this act of faith is what lets more and more people know that we have faith.  And by letting more and more people see our faith happening, maybe that will make them have faith (or call us fools!).  And maybe, just maybe, the lights that we shine will make God's name known better, understood better, everywhere we are seen and heard.  And they will know who we are and in whose name we brandish these butter knives.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Remember the Sabbath. Keep it Holy.

Okay, so I am probably the worst person about stopping and resting and respecting the Sabbath that God first took and then gave to us.  But every time that I do it, I am so glad that I did.
O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum!  How lovely are thy branches!
(even if they are artificial)

Observing the Sabbath could be one of the most important things I do all week.  If I didn't, then I am guilty of not practicing what I preach in any other way.  If I do not observe the Sabbath, then I am guilty of what they call "works-righteousness."  It's the concept that what I do is more important than just "being" in God.  So maybe I can't always observe a Sabbath day in full, for whatever reason, but I absolutely must do it at least in part.  It's necessary for several reasons.  For the obvious reason of self-care, I cannot take care of anyone else if I am not taking care of myself.  But for other reasons, like this "works-righteousness" thing, if I cannot entrust the world back to the Lord for one day while I set that time aside for Sabbath, then basically I start to think that everything is up to me and me alone.  Gosh, talk about a Messiah-complex!

After several months as an ordained pastor of a church, I am learning that Sundays are not really Sabbath-y enough for me.  Although I view Sunday worship as a time when I am also able, to some extent, join in the worship along with the congregation, I am usually worn out by about 12:30 in the afternoon, the earliest time that I might leave the church building.  Sometimes I don't leave the church building till later.  Or I will leave and grab some lunch and then return to the church for an afternoon activity.

I have been learning that if I time my work throughout the week a certain way, then I might grab a little time to myself on Saturday, a little-itty bit on Friday evenings (sometimes), but the Sabbath really begins for me on Sunday evenings after the ministers' prayer group, when I go to the gym and get some exercise.  By then, I usually feel sufficiently tired but completely free of worries, and able to unhinge things that are on my mind by running on the treadmill.

Green chile chicken stew with leftover veggies.  I ate 2 bowls!
I think it is the best I have made yet!
From there, I usually sleep really well and wake up Monday morning ready to lay low, take care of the house, play with the cats, knit, watch TV, cook, or whatever the heck I feel like doing.  At the most, I might check e-mails, but not usually.

Today I was fully-forced into the Sabbath.  I awoke this morning at 7:00AM to about 2 inches of snow on the ground, and spent pretty much all day inside.  I turned on the Christmas tree lights, fixed up a yummy pot of green chile chicken stew with leftover veggies, worked on some knitting projects, and monitored the snow all day long.  I tried to drive the truck around the block but the roads were slick, even in the middle of the afternoon.  I did tromp across the backyard to take the trash out, and put sunflower seeds in the bird feeder, just to get a feel for how much snow there is out there.

The temps tonight are supposed to get down to zero degrees Fahrenheit.  That's way cold.

Behind the Manse.
So, the Sabbath.  I feel justified today in sounding self-centered. But the reason for the Sabbath is not just for me to focus on my needs. God told us to focus on Her and to take this time to open our eyes and look around at this amazing Creation of which we are a part. John the Baptist said in John 1, "I am not the Messiah."  He's right. None of us are that powerful. All of us have to take a little time for ourselves to just exist, as God's people.  Rest in the Lord, for after creating us She created the Sabbath, and observed it too. Yet one more way for us to live into God's image. Take it, somehow. It's absolutely necessary, for we must never forget that we depend on our Creator for all things.

Thank you, Dear Jesus, for your sacrifice for us and for giving us time each week to rest.  Help us all to know you better every day, whether at work, at play or at rest.  May we always abide in you.  Amen.